


Wolf Bite

by true_amphisbaena



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Always Being Edited, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Castiel (Supernatural) Has Panic Attacks, Dean is a Bad Influence, Edited, First Kiss, Fluff, Gratuitous use of the sun as a metaphor, Holding Hands, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oneshot, Panic Attacks, Suggests Past Panic Attacks, Title from Owl City Song, Vandalism, not crack, or biting for that matter, or wolves, reincarnation is brief, this isn't about werewolves, this isn't that interesting, yes I stole a scene from the Good Dinosaur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 15:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17665091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/true_amphisbaena/pseuds/true_amphisbaena
Summary: After reliving the destruction of his body Cas needs the reassurance of Dean who, despite his rash personality, always knows when to hold Cas softly and when to steal a lady's garden gnome.Or, nothing clears up the existential fear of reliving a past life like casual vandalism





	Wolf Bite

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and am making no profit
> 
> So I love the song Wolf Bite by Owl City and this story wouldn't stop bothering me whenever I listened to the song so I managed to crap this out. SUPER unhappy with it but what else is new.
> 
> *I will be constantly editing this because I AM NEVER SATISFIED so maybe next time you click on this it'll be better probablymaybeIdon'tknow ANYWAYS, FORWARD AND ONWARD!!!!

**It's another bad dream**

**Poison in my blood stream**

**I'm dying but I can't scream**

**Will you show me the way?**

 

**_Cas POV_ **

 

_His insides crawl with movement, beings twisting and contorting within him, pushing to get out. He can feel their movements in the tips of his fingers, slashing at his ribs and clawing up his throat. He tries to control them, to use their power for his own means, for good, but they continue to lacerate his insides and mutilate all they can find. Eventually, it becomes too much; the voices grow louder until they push his own voice down and his vessel isn’t his to control anymore._

_He hurts people, both innocents and people he cares about. Watches it through the eyes he is only able to spectate through. The…things continue to damage him, destroying him from the inside. Just hurting him isn’t enough though, they want more. After using his body, they abandon and eviscerate his vessel, his body;_

_he can feel his mind shattering._

 

Castiel shoots up from his bed, hands gripping his bed sheets as he gasps for air with the lungs he had been so sure had obliterated along with the rest of him. His whole body shakes from the vividness of the dream; the feeling of becoming a bystander in his own body follows him and he hates how it all feels more like a memory than a dream. He’d lost everything, all his authority, the influence to make his own decisions, to control his own movements.

It was as if he had become a puppet, strings like razor wires and hooks clasped to something residing even deeper than his heart within his diaphragm, his very being. He feels utterly violated and sobs into his hands with the thought that he had brought it on himself the only thing preceding over his mind.

 

**_Dean POV_ **

 

_Find him._

_Blood drips from his makeshift knife, scratches line his face from the speed at which he whips past trees, running away from…things. Malformed and distorted things. He’s not sure if he sees them this way because they’re just that monstrous, or from an unreliability of his eyes that have been peering into a never ending ill-lit forest for what feels like a lifetime. He couldn’t care less. Even with a companion at his side and the monsters falling satisfyingly from his own hands, there is only one thing he allows himself to think about._

_Him, I have to find him._

_When we’re together everything will be better. He knows it’s not true, knows he will still be in this corrupt, depraved place once he’s found but he is also keenly aware that he himself will not be okay until he finds him. That his very existence is based around finding this one being. So he kills and slays and executes with no conscious, with no thought to innocence and the extinguishment of individual lives. Only one life matters to him anymore._

_His angel’s._

When Dean opens his eyes to more darkness he’s not completely convinced that he’s awake until his eyes find the glowing numbers of his digital clock.

02:45.

He just lies there for a few minutes, paranoid eyes trying to distinguish shapes from his ceiling as he tries to figure out who he had been dreaming about. He hadn’t found them, this person his dream self had deemed so important to find. Even as he ponders at his own obsessiveness he can still feel the deep sense of longing for this person he had felt in this dream.  

It’s like an itch under his skin, a deep seated need just to be _near_ someone. It’s unsettling and more than a little jolting when a person comes immediately to mind.

Eyes flash to the phone sitting innocuously at his bedside table and after only a second of hesitation a hand darts out to grab at it, displacing his charger cable to unlock his screen and open his messaging app.

 

**_Cas POV_ **

 

A small bell chimes from his phone, distracting Cas from the dry heaving he's doing in his wastebasket. He smiles slightly, even with tears still streaming down his face and into his sleep shirt knowing that there’s only one person who wasn’t muted on his phone.

He unlocks his phone to find the expected message from Dean.

 

~Dean Winchester

_U awake?_

 

Cas shakes his head, chuckling slightly as the last of his tears are brushed away. Of course Dean would message him just when he needs someone to talk to.

 

~Castiel Novak

_How’d you know, were you spying at me through my window again?_

 

~Dean Winchester

_You know I can’t see anything when you keep the blinds closed, which I’ve noticed you’ve kept shut ever since I saw your little impromptu dance party ;)_

 

Castiel struggles to hold in his laughter as he remembers when he had sung through an entire CD of Beyonce before realizing that Dean had been watching him through his own window from across the street, hosing himself.

 

~Castiel Novak

_I thought we agreed to never mention that again :|_

 

~Dean Winchester

_As you wish. I still have like half of that golden performance video recorded_

 

Cas gasps and glares down at his phone, he hadn’t been aware that there was actual physical evidence of his embarrassing moment but his smile is lighthearted as he types out his reply.

 

~Castiel Novak

_What!!!Delete it this instant!_

 

~Dean Winchester

_Don’t worry. Your shaking booty is for my eyes only._

 

There is a slight pause before he responds again.

 

~Dean Winchester

_And maybe for possible blackmail in the future_

 

Even as Cas shakes his head at his friend he knows Dean would never do such a thing. He’d tease Cas, near constantly, but both know that Dean would rather decimate the Impala before he would humiliate Castiel is such a way.

 

~Dean Winchester

_Anywhoooooo, since you’re already awake u wanna meet up?_

 

Cas is surprised at the sudden question but isn’t ultimately shocked by the request. Dean might be a fantastic friend but he isn’t exactly the best influence, especially in the opinion of his parents, and this isn’t the first time he’s asked such a thing. Still, Cas doesn’t immediately shoot the idea down like he usually does and he can tell Dean’s noticed because he waits patiently for Cas to answer. Why shouldn’t Cas get to go out. His parents have always been very ambiguous with his ten o’clock curfew anyway. And he's always wondered what’s it like to be out and alive when everyone might as well be dead in their beds. The silence must be amazing, that and he’ll get to hang out with Dean without the usual company of their customary circle of friends.

 

~Castiel Novak

_Alright_

 

~Dean Winchester

_Wait, really???_

 

~Castiel Novak

_Yes, let’s do this_

 

~Dean Winchester

_Never thought I’d see the day you’d sneak out_

 

~Castiel Novak

_Your corruption has finally taken hold Winchester_

 

~Dean Winchester

_U won’t see me complaining_

_Wanna meet me at the park in 10 mins?_

 

~Castiel Novak

_That should be enough time, see you then_

 

~Dean Winchester

_Looking forward to it_

 

Castiel takes a minute to process what he had just agreed to but, smiling an absolutely ridiculous grin, he regrets nothing. It takes Cas a minute to get out of his pajamas and into some appropriate sneaking out clothes and another to speedily brush his teeth to be rid of his left over vomit smell before quietly slinking off to the office. His parents have a full house alarm that will immediately go off if Cas so much as jostles a window but his parents always seem to forget how resourceful their children are; namely Gabriel and Lucian. It had started when one of them had accidentally broken the latch to the office window but, to their luck, one wouldn’t know unless they pushed on it. Since their parents never bother to open it, they never think to check if it’s closed.

Gabriel had shown it to him a while back before he’d left for ‘college’, trying to get Castiel to do something defiant for once in his life but he had been uninterested. What Gabe would think if he could see Cas now.

Quiet as a mouse Cas slowly eases the window open and proceeds to climb out with the grace of an inebriated elephant. He manages to stick his arm out at the last second to prevent the window from slamming against the window pane but he earns himself a nasty bruise and a barely contained yelp for his troubles. Even so he still made quite a bit of noise so he counts backwards from a hundred just in case until he remembers that it is Thursday. That’s right; Thursday is guy night for his father. Alcohol always makes him snore which forces his mom, a notoriously light sleeper, to wear ear plugs.

He removes his arm and allows himself a silent fist bump with the air, accompanied by minimal flinching and makes his way to the park, humming the Mission Impossible theme song under his breath.

He’s slightly out of breath when he arrives, a slight stitch thrumming against his side as he supports himself against a nearby tree to control his gasping before Dean arrives. But any breath he had managed to catch is immediately stolen away when Dean appears in front of him, having jumped down from the tree he had been leaning on.

“I didn’t realize how unfit you were.” Dean teases, grinning down at him to where Castiel had fallen in his surprise. “And what the hell are you wearing? You look like you are about to rob a house, not sneak out of one. You’re lucky no one was looking out their windows.” 

Castiel flushes and pushes himself up, dusting himself off superciliously. 

“While excuse me for being new to this. Would you rather I have come in my yellow sweater. That ought to have been less attention grabbing.” 

Dean rolls his eyes and bends downs to brush dirt off the back of Castiel’s thighs, causing him to blush harder. “I’m just messing with you, don’t get all offended. Tonight is about having fun and showing you all the benefits of disobeying your parents.”

Cas just shakes his head before following Dean who was marching away like a man on a mission. “Why my mom hasn’t forbidden me to see you is beyond me.”

“Ah hah, unbeknownst to you every time she tries I charm her socks off. No one can resist the notorious magnetism of the Winchester men.”

Cas scoffs loudly but gives the back of Deans head a longing look. If only he knew just how true those words were.

They do everything.

From breaking into the school to gorge on the pudding cups that Dean knows the nasty cafeteria lady hordes for herself, and stealing Ms. Gondola’s creepy ass looking gnomes, to correcting the “Hail Satin” graffiti on the side of their 7/11 that had been bothering Cas since he had first seen it.  

Dean drags him all across town, keeping Cas’s hand clasped in his own as if afraid to lose him and Cas has to hold himself back from squeezing the warm hand to make sure that it’s real, that Dean is touching him.  

They eventually make it to a field, belonging to the Braeden family if he recalls correctly, their hands swinging slightly between them. Dean leads them into the middle of the field and Cas quickly losses sight of any roads and buildings, of the Braeden house. The warmth from getting to hold Dean's hand disappears and it's as if he’d been pushed into a cold swimming pool. There’s no moon out and without a torch or even his phone to light the way Cas starts to panic as the dark seems to surround him. Twisting shapes warp and contort in the dark and hands seems to reach out from between the ears of wheat, his dream comes back with ringing clarity and he's sure he can feel fingers crawling into his chest, squeezing his heart and he’s crying.

Dean appears in front of him, his face shadowed and blurry worried. Is he speaking to him? His ears are too busy ringing to hear anything. Dean seems to realize this and pulls Cas close to his neck and when he is still shaking and blubbering Dean lowers them both to the ground and pulls Cas into his lap.

He’s consumed both by the darkness and Dean’s warmth and he doesn’t know which to focus on.

Dean whispers to him. Whispers about monsters, about how he dreams about them. He can always see them, shifting along the edges of his vision. 

"But the monsters are not real." Are spoken in his ear. "And if they were, don't you think I'd do everything to keep them from you?"

Castiel allows the words to sooth him and knows he would do the same for Dean, even if the thought fills him with a strange sense of old guilt.

Dean wipes away some of his tears with his sleeves and takes Castiel’s hand in his, stretching it out into the wheat. Cas panics again when his hand melts into the darkness but Dean just pulls his body closer and sweeps their hands out.

Cas becomes disorientated when there’s suddenly light and sound comes crashing back like a wave. He can hear crickets and Dean’s humming and the wind and his own pathetic whimpering. The light, a firefly he realizes, rests on their clasped hands and he keeps his eyes on the little creature.

His sniveling settles and they sit like that for a while, Cas wrapped up in Dean, listening to his heartbeat as Dean hums Metallica and Cas is embarrassed. Embarrassed that Dean had to help him through a panic attack when he’d hidden past ones from his friend well enough before. This isn’t something Dean needs to concern himself with and when Cas feels he’s passed the threshold of being held by his friend by appropriate standards he pulls away, slowly because his legs are shaking and breathing is still difficult, but away and he kneels at Dean’s side.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles as he wipes his nose on his collar and hopes he hadn’t gotten any snot on Dean, “You shouldn’t have had to see-”

 “Cut that crap Cas.” Dean interrupts him, standing up swiftly and looking down at him. “This isn’t the kind of thing you apologize for.”

He can’t see his face very well with only a small firefly to see by but he can see the deep set shadow of his eyebrows and for a second he’s worried Dean will leave him there on the ground but Dean surprises him as he lifts a hand instead.

“We won’t talk about it if you don’t want to Cas.” He says gruffly and Cas takes his hand, never having been more grateful that Dean is allergic to emotions.

 “C’mere you,” Dean huffs as he hauls Cas onto his feet. “This is what I wanted to show you.”

 He keeps his one hand in Cas's and looks over to him. “You ready?”

 Before Cas can ask what he’s supposed to be getting ready for Dean is dragging him around the field behind him, his one arm thrown out to the side to catch on the ears of wheat and suddenly where before there was no light it seems to be everywhere. Fireflies everywhere, disturbed from their rest and Cas stretches his own arm to encourage the flight of the luminous bugs.

Cas lets out a peal of laughter, still slightly scratchy from his impromptu crying, as any and all surrounding darkness is swallowed up by light and Dean joins in with loud whoops of joy. They run and circle and double back and probably end up trampling over a lot of wheat but Cas couldn’t care less about ruining some rich family's crops when Dean is beside him yelling into the air and is _still_ holding his hand. During a turn they both miscalculate and try to go in different directions, and because their hands are still keeping them connected they end up slingshoting into each other. They grab at each other before they can take a tumble and Cas just laughs at their own absurdity.

Panting from their little run and more than a little breathless Cas slings an arm around Dean’s neck to keep himself upright and, probably without thinking, Dean wraps his arms around Cas. They both pause, not exactly freezing, but they allow themselves to just be still as time stops just for them as they observe each other quietly.

 As his eyes flutter over his best friend's face he comes to the startling, but no less lovely, conclusion that everything about Dean is gold. His heart, bursting with a love and optimism his teenage mind hasn’t fully realized what to do with yet. The golden flecks in his eyes from the fireflies, highlighting the gold that is already there. The blond in his eyelashes brought out by the light like a silver lining, and he can see the sun cresting in those eyes. He’s sure that if he lifted up his hand in this moment and brushed it against Dean’s soft freckled cheek golden dust would stain his fingers. Dean smiles and Cas can feel the sun on his face and he can’t help but lean in so he can taste some of that sunshine.

The kiss is short, what with them both panting, but that doesn’t stop them from going in for more again, and again and again until they become breathless for a different reason. Warm fingers touch the bottom of his spine as his shirt rides up slightly and when those fingers slide under the shirt to stroke higher, giving loving attention to his individual vertebrae, Cas acknowledges by brushing his own fingers gently against the knobs on the top Dean’s own spine at the base of his neck.

 Cas is sure that a stroking of a different nature would have taken place if someone shouting and a dog baying hadn’t so rudely interrupted them.

 

*****

 

By the time both Cas and Dean make it back to their houses, the sun is rising and Dean knows that if this were like any other night he would currently be waking up to his shrill goddamn alarm clock and rousing Sammy so they can get ready for school.

 Mr Braeden had been less than pleased when he had discovered two horny teenagers in his field at 5 am in the morning. He had been even less pleased that they had trespassed into his private property to pulverize a section of his wheat field. Dean had tried to get them to make a run for it but Mr Braeden's Basset hound had caught up to them and in its excitement to see people had accidentally tripped Cas.  A thorough shouting at by Mr Braeden as well as a lapful of Annabel (the Basset hound was a real sweetheart and had given Cas slobbery kisses all over his face as if to say sorry for tripping him earlier) later the boys got picked up by the Sheriff who gave his own stilted version of a lecture between Chris Stapleton’s Tennessee Whiskey.

 Dean’s dad had…less of a reaction than the Sheriff was probably hoping for. John had taken one look at Dean’s shit eating grin and the Sheriff with his hand clasped on his son’s shoulder and had just sighed, settling himself against the doorway to listen to the Sheriff list all the shenanigans Dean had roped Cas into (he knew about the gnomes). When the Sheriff had finally finished talking John had just gestured for Dean to come inside before bidding both Cas and the Sheriff good night before closing the door.

 There was no lecture, John just told Dean not to get caught next time and to take Cas on a proper date while he was at it.

 “Get some sleep before school boy, and be quiet about it so you don’t wake your mother up. She will not be hearing about this by the way.” And with that he rounded the corner to get some sleep of his own before work.

 Dean bounded up the stairs as quietly as possible and came to a stop before his bedroom window. He can see the Sheriff talking to Cas’s mom and dad. Well, more his mom since his dad had appeared to have fallen asleep on the doorway. He flinches as he hears the high pitched screeching of Naomi Novak who was probably shouting at her perfect son Castiel for the first time in his life if his bowed head and shuffling shoes were any indication. She eventually lets Cas inside and Dean waits anxiously for Cas to appear in his window sitting parallel to Deans. He wasn’t lying when he said he couldn’t see a thing with the blinds closed but he didn’t have to wait long for Cas to draw the blinds up and wave at Dean.

 Picking up his notepad Dean grabs his sharpie and writes in big block letters before pressing the paper to his window.

 

U OKAY?

 

Cas squints briefly before moving out of view. He’s only gone for a minute before he’s holding up his own notepad.

 

SHE DOESN’T LIKE TO BE WOKEN UP

 

He flips a page up a second later.

 

BUT I’LL SURVIVE

WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN

 

It’s a bit difficult to tell due to the distance but the slowly rising sun seems to illuminate a shy smile on Cas’s face. Dean swallows and writes a new page. He hesitates at the window, Cas cocking his head at him until he lifts the notepad.

 

ALL OF IT?

 

Cas grins at him when he lifts his new page up.

 

WELL, SOME THINGS MORE THAN OTHERS

 

They grin goofily at each other, basking in the excitement of some new and fragile forming between them.

 

SEE YOU AT SCHOOL

<3

 

Dean adds a heart at the last second and he’s red when the notepad is lifted up but Cas’s smile is worth it. Cas lifts a hand to the glass and Dean does the same before Cas moves away from the window to squeeze in some shut eye.

And as the sun crests over a roof top it illuminates the glass of Castiel's window. The darkness inside highlighting an outline of a handprint on the surface. A shape that feels oddly important to Dean as he lifts his own hand to run at his bicep without thinking. Dean wonders if Cas is planning on shutting those blinds when he gets ready for school. This time Dean will leave his camera phone out of it, a shirtless Cas is for Dean's eyes only.

 

 

**If the darkness falls, and my angel calls**

**In my despair, will**   **you be there?**

 **In the darkest night, when** **I need your light**

**Will you show me the way?**

**If my time runs out, and** **the sky falls down**

 **Despite my fear, will** **you appear?**

 **If the world goes blind, and** **I lose my mind**

**Will you show me the way?**

**Tonight**

**Author's Note:**

> Argg! I know. Why did you just have to read through all this trash? is this writer kidding themselves? I'm just surprised you even bothered to read this in the first place, and to the bottom no less. But now that you did I would REALLY appreciate some constructive criticism. Be as brutal as possible, I need to get better.
> 
> In case you couldn't tell Cas was reliving his time with the Leviathans and Dean was reliving his time looking for Cas in purgatory.


End file.
